Today I got an email from Southern Nazarene University congratulating me on my acceptance into grad school. I applied to their very competitive MBA program and didn’t have much hope that I would get in. They even offered me a scholarship, but I turned them down. Some call me crazy for turning this opportunity down, some say its laziness. Well, let me tell you it’s neither lazy or craziness that prompted my decision to not go to grad school after all. I use to have all these career goals and wanted to make it big in the world, but then as I got older things changed for me. My way of thinking started to slowly change when I started to find myself and figure out who I really am. I stopped listening to the voices around me (not voices in my head, real people) telling me that I should be this or that. I started asking myself what I want.
When I was younger I wanted to change the world, I wanted to be a force of power that no one could stop, for a while I was that force of power. I was dominating in college, I was in all these organizations, won multiple awards, and scholarships, I was kicking ass and taking names, I graduated with honors. I was making everyone happy, my parents, husband, grandparents ( who played a BIG role in raising me) my mentors, teachers, everyone. I wanted my younger siblings (Brenda&Jose) to have an example of a powerful first generation Hispanic graduating college, getting the best grades and then landing that “DREAM JOB”. Most of what I did was for the people around me, because that is what I thought I needed to do, and in a way I convinced myself that I also wanted all of this too. Now, I do not regret my bachelors degree, I love learning, and being in that environment of higher education, it makes me feel so comfortable and its home to me. It was the best time of my life for sure, as stressful as it was. It was the best time of my life!
When I had my awakening moment that made me put everything into perspective.
It was an ordinary day, I got home from work and started to make dinner, as my husband and I sat down around the dinner table to eat, I told him we needed to establish some goals for our life. We started talking about what we wanted our life to look like five to ten years from now, not in any moment of the conversation did I mention grad school. I just want to live a simple life, have a garden, grow my own food, have lots of animals, be a mom, raise my kids to value and enjoy the simple things in life and not be brats. I want to read books I will never be tested on, not live for the weekend. I really don’t care if I never make it to the top of the business world because those things don’t matter to me. I want to love life and enjoy living it with the people that mean the most to me, my family and friends. My husband looked at me and said I think you just answered your own question about grad school. For me its just not important anymore, as I got older I realized I don’t need money and power to make me happy , I don’t value things over people. I don’t think people understand that I LOVE to stay home on a Saturday night and hang out with my husband and my dogs. I am just a happy girl reading a book , chilling with my dogs and husband. I cant wait to add babies to our family. So, for me grad school isn’t something that I want nor need in my life. For some it is and that so cool, keep climbing the ladder, but I am good just living a simple life without a Masters Degree. Will I regret it one day, who knows but for right now I will not think about it nor dwell on the decision I already made.
Peace &Love ,